When I talk to people, and they find out that I love to chat all things disability – one of the first things people say is “you just don’t know what to say anymore do you”. And I get it, but I think we all need to be open to learning more and not just stop at that first reaction. So in this post I thought I’d give you a head start on the “do’s and don’ts” when talking about disability…
DO: Say the word “Disabled”
I’ve said it before in this blog, but I think first and foremost, we need to learn that disabled is not a bad word. Saying things like “differently abled” just skirts around something that’s actually not shameful to say. If you’re not disabled and don’t feel comfortable saying ‘disabled’ – I would think about why that is and ask yourself is your own prejudice coming through? Obviously we have to take into consideration cultural differences, but ‘disabled’ is globally known, and lots of people are proud of that identity.
Something I get regularly, I’ll be in town shopping and I will hear “aww bless her”. I will look round and think, what’s happened. Then I’ll realise someone is feeling sorry for me. I find it so weird that not only is this someone’s first reaction, but they audibly announce this to the person/people they’re with. The sad thing is they don’t know anything about me. The addition of wheels makes them think I have a bad life… which makes me feel sorry for them really. But, yeah, top tip – unless someone has a real reason to need sympathy – don’t instantly feel sorry for them.
DON’T: Ask personal questions
This may seem obvious to most, but disabled people get the WEIRDEST questions asked – just take a look at my old blog all about it. I think there are many reasons why that my academic friends could answer to do with the media and how we’re perceived. I mean I am quite open but asking how I go to the toilet or if my family is “normal” is pushing it a bit. Just remember, no one really needs to know the ins and outs of someone’s disability/impairment – it’s their choice to choose to talk about it.
DO: Encourage development
Quite often, people would applaud me for having a job (and still do). They would tell me how great it is that I’m ‘getting out’ (they want to see me on a friday night). When you’re constantly told this as a disabled person, it almost reinforces the idea that that’s it, life achieved. Really, we all have the opportunity to develop. I’m not saying we want to change the world but don’t think that someone doesn’t want to acheive more because they’re disabled. If I didn’t have the cheerleaders that my friends and family are, I’d definitely not be where I am today.
DO: Talk to us about other stuff
I’m going to end on this important one. I know I talk about disability a lot, but sometimes, I just want to talk about netflix and what I’m having for dinner too. Not all disabled people want to talk about disability. When people meet me, they instantly want to tell me about all of the disabled people they’ve ever met but sometimes I just want to talk about Line of Duty (omg did you see that ending!?)
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